the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
