Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
