he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
