made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
