I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
