Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think your dad took our porno
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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