Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
