Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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