My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
