So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize