dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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