; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
