She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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