The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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