u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
