you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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