She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
