eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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