I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
