I want to have your abortion
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
