talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
