We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
