Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
