her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
