Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
