Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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