Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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