Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't deserve a penis
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
