pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
