Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize