one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
