Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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