There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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