So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sobbing to NWA
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
