as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
