why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize