I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
