Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
