Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
