Everything about him screamed your future.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
