i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
