he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
