I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
