you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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