Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
