I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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