totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize