I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
