____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
