Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
