you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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