i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
