I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
