Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
