I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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