We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
