I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
