before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
