We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm always down for nudity.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
