I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
