but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Randomize
