I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
