i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
