After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
50% drunk capacity currently
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
