i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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