Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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