he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
