dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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